I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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