Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
