so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
