when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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