I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
