youre lurking in front of me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
FUCK WHALES
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just puked most of my soul out..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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