She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
