I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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