WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
