Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
