ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
