another moral hangover. fuck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
