oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
