What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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