i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
