after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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