goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
