i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
