My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
