you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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