Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize