This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize