mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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