the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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