she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
