Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
