I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
