love makes seman taste better
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
