Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
