Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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