Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
