D3 body, D1 cock
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
