have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
