Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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