I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
