Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
