You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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