I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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