I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Text me some of your sweat
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