Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
