and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
