One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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