I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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