my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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