My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
