i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
