there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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