So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
