I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
