She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
