elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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