she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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