You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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