Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The uberlube is also flammable
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
