dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
