i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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