I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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