Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
