i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
