You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
