Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
