if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
