Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
