sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
