We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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