i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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