i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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