OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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