yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
