There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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